Cocaine is satanic.
I believe in the possibility of life on other planets, but first tell me why are aliens never dressed? They're always naked. And bald. That's progress? I expect someone to come down looking very much like Sting.
I hate California. It has the worst traffic and no conversation.
About five years ago I'd kind of retired, just coincidentally when I was no longer being asked to do very much. If I was running a studio, I wouldn't really think about hiring a middle-aged, paunchy, balding Jewish guy, unless he had been making a lot of money consistently. I don't feel like a failure, I feel like I did some pretty great stuff for 35 years. Give me my Swiss watch and I'll go do something else.
You have terrible sandwiches in England. There's not enough. And you have weird things in them.
Sometimes people shout out, 'Hey, you need a bigger boat!' It infuriates my wife because I didn't say that line. Jaws is a masterpiece. The sequels? Silly. Stupid. Ridiculous.
I like golf, but I am the worst player. Tips? Pick the ball up and throw it. I used to go to this driving range and I put a sign on my chest that said: 'Please do not teach the actor', because everyone said something.
We never forgive in other people what we casually forgive in ourselves. We always forgive in others what we never forgive in ourselves. Often a director can confuse being your director with being your boss and hold you in contempt. That is not great. Do I make specific requests when I'm shooting a movie? Of course! A bigger trailer than everybody, thank you! I also ask for iced coffee.
Plato's Retreat was a club in Manhattan where you could go and have sex. You could make love with a stranger, you could make love with four strangers, you could make love with no one and just watch! It was in the basement of the building I lived in. Women could go in alone, but men had to have a date. I was one of very few guys - if not the only one - ever allowed in by himself.
When was the last time I took a job just for money? What day is it now? Not that long ago.
I was always completely confident that I would succeed and when the money came in I spent it. Then life did to me what it does to everybody and I had no financial responsibility habits built into me, so I found myself... 'Mr Dreyfuss, we're shutting off your phone.'
I was doing a film recently and there was a make-up girl who was gorgeous. I was flirting, the same way I always have. She was wearing a peasant blouse and she had beautiful breasts. I was so happy. At a certain point she left the set and came back wearing a turtleneck. It was a life-changing moment. I realised that a corner had been turned, that I was a dirty old man. It sounds like a funny anecdote, but I grieved.
I really do believe that men don't want to fuck every woman in the world. They just want every woman in the world to want to fuck them.
You don't know anyone who doesn't want to be in the movie business, whether they're a waiter in Nigeria or an Eskimo.
I took LSD in the Sixties, and I studied for 18 months before I took it. There was such a thing in those days as acid guides, people of experience and wisdom like a shaman. When I started to casually use acid, I stopped. Why did I stop doing other drugs? Well, I was arrested and publicly humiliated. It was brought home to me that I was an insensitive thug and I had hurt my family. Were there some good times? Oh yes.
I told my son, 'I've decided I'm going to live until the day you call me and say, "Dad, I'm having trouble with my kids."' Then I can die.
· Richard Dreyfuss stars in The Producers, Theatre Royal Drury Lane, London WC2 (0870 890 1109), opening 9 November.